Ben Bolch’s NBA rankings

RANKINGS, COMMENTS THROUGH SATURDAY

PRESIDENTIAL SUITE AT THE WALDORF ASTORIA

1. INDIANA (29-7) ABC doesn’t want Pacers in the Finals even with 141% local TV ratings jump. (2)
2. SAN ANT. (28-8) Spurs lead West but have ground to make up in Texas (0-2 versus Rockets). (5)

CORNER ROOM AT THE W

3. MIAMI (27-10) Heat receives anti-flopping warning after losses to Knicks, Nets. (1)
4. OKLA. CITY (28-9) Thunder starting to wear down with Kevin Durant continually going one on five. (4)
5. PORTLAND (28-9) Damian Lillard hires Kobe Bryant as All-Star voting campaign manager. (3)
6. CLIPPERS (26-13) Bynum would give Doc Rivers something else to cover for home games. (6)
7. GOLD. ST. (25-14) Warriors should wear bell bottoms to honor longest win streak since 1975. (7)
8. HOUSTON (24-14) Dwight Howard’s girlfriend can’t blend in wearing “Laker Hater” camo shirt. (8)
9. PHOENIX (21-15) Eric Bledsoe’s knee injury is first surprise that hasn’t gone Suns’ way. (9)

LUCKY IF THEY GET A PILLOW MINT

10. DALLAS (22-16) Shawn Marion should auction off untied shoe lace signed by J.R. Smith. (10)
11. ATLANTA (20-17) Demands inquiry into Nets leading Hawks, 4-0, among All-Star vote leaders. (11)
12. DENVER (19-17) Unbeaten since airing-it-out session, Nuggets showing power of talk therapy. (16)
13. MINN. (18-18) Whenever 2015 free agent Kevin Love is unhappy, Lakers fans are gleeful. (12)
14. TORONTO (18-17) DeMar DeRozan won’t have to daydream about making playoffs much longer. (13)

YOU CAN PULL YOUR CAR UP TO THE FRONT DOOR

15. WASH. (16-19) Low-scoring road blowout loss to Pacers goes down as Rout 66. (15)
16. MEMPH. (16-19) No need to remind Grizzlies that they were 24-11 at this point last season. (17)
17. CHICAGO (17-18) East is so bad Bulls may make playoffs without Derrick Rose and Luol Deng. (21)
18. N. ORL. (15-21) Flying south in standings after injuries to Jrue Holiday, Ryan Anderson. (14)
19. BROOK. (15-22) Even with Reggie Evans wearing “Joker” uniform, Nets are for real vs. Heat. (25)
20. DETROIT (16-22) Greg Monroe’s shoelaces are impervious to knucklehead Knicks. (18)
21. LAKERS (14-23) Might as well televise rest of games on C-SPAN or Discovery Health Channel. (19)
22. CHAR. (15-23) Trade market for Ben Gordon as robust as one for fake wood doorknobs. (20)
23. N.Y. (14-22) Opponents should thwart shoelace bandit J.R. Smith by wearing Velcro Keds. (26)
24. BOSTON (13-25) New All-Star event: Rajon Rondo versus Steve Nash on anti-gravity treadmill. (22)
25. CLEVE. (13-23) Going from Earl Clark to Luol Deng earns Cavs a buy rating from Citigroup. (23)
26. PHIL. (12-25) Lorenzo Brown being sent to 87ers from 76ers sounds like dual promotion. (24)

MOTEL 6 WON’T EVEN LEAVE THE LIGHT ON FOR THEM

27. SACRA. (12-22) DeMarcus Cousins has spot on Team Shaq even if he’s not an All-Star. (28)
28. UTAH (12-26) Instead of pep talk, coach plays the Who’s “The Kids Are Alright.” (29)
29. ORLANDO (10-27) In a season of hard knocks, Nikola Vucevic’s concussion is the biggest blow. (27)
30. MILW. (7-29) Not even a Marquette math major can figure Coach Larry Drew’s rotations. (30)